Imagine that! I’ve managed to meet someone the good ol’ fashioned way – drunk as a skunk at a bar. This is so foreign to me! No time to judge spelling mistakes on your profil. No time to sift through your Facebook pictures raising eyebrows at all these girls hanging off your shoulder. Just straight up cut to the chase intoxicated conversation right out of the gate. At least I’m keeping one thing consistent – That I predrank this meet up. This offline dating thing is kind of thrilling but it’s throwing my routine way off course. I mean, I can’t even Google your e-mail address to tip me off that you’re probably bat shit crazy since all you gave me were some numbers scrawled out on the back of an old Subway receipt. What the fuck am I supposed to do with this? Pick up a telephone and CALL YOU? This is clearly for the birds! Eventually another rendez-vous is scheduled and once again I am thrown a curve ball as I seemingly can’t confidently remember what you look like and I don’t have the luxury of having access to hundreds of tagged photos of you to refresh my memory. Thankfully, it ends up all getting sorted out in the wash somehow when we meet up again and end up having a pretty good time with some decent conversation. Just when I’m thinking that there might be something to this meeting of people IRL business the topic of online dating is broached. You divulge that you tried it a while back but nothing really had come out of it. It is at this point where my curiosity straight up gang bangs and bludgeons the cat when I ask what your screen name was and then realize that I have totally talked to you online before. Obviously. I mean, frankly, why wouldn’t this be happening right now? Alarm bells apparently sound off on your end as well as your eyes widen and blurt out my screen name and then proceed to tell me that you believe that you asked to meet up and I just stopped talking to you. Er, whoops? “Small world, eh?…heh heh.” So there it is, served to me on a clusterfuck platter, one of the few times that I actually meet some in the real world they obviously just end up being an internet date in disguise. Point again for you, Internet. I should really have known better that you’ve got a monopoly on this shit and have a whole bag of tricks up your sleeves – It was really foolish of me to think otherwise.
yikes.