I’m sure you’re nothing but awesome, but just as a preemptive measure I’ve decided to casually throw your e-mail address into Google to see what pops up. Perhaps I’ll be deferred to your Twitter page, or your abandoned MySpace account, or an old ride-share ad of yours at best. But this – Yikes, I wasn’t expecting this - This some pretty fucked up shit! You’re apparently on a Craigslist car fraud watch-out-for list? And what do we have here? Your 15 year-old self’s Angelfire page? The eye bleeding layout and flash tags I can excuse, but what are these scanned hand drawings of scantly clad girls in compromising bondage positions all about? With every new search result I click exposing a little more of your colourful past, my mouth drops further and further. Some may classify my investigative behaviour as being that of a Stage 5 Creeper, but a girl’s gotta look out for herself while gallivanting through the online woods these days. I mean, have you not seen Dateline’s To Catch A Predator series? So, thanks for having my back and sounding the alarm bells Google. Curiosity has more than killed the cat in this case, as it has unfortunately killed any further contact between us as well.
